Letter from a Blond Woman to her Blond Daughter

“Dear daughter,

I am writing to you to let you know that I am alive.

I am writing really slowly because I know that you can’t read too fast.

When you come, you will never recognize the house, since we moved.

I have to let you know that we finally buried your grandfather. While we were moving, we found the body. He was in the attic still hiding from that time we all played hide and seek.

Today, your sister gave birth to a beautiful child. I don’t know if the baby is he or she, so I don’t know yet if you’ll be uncle or auntie.

We haven’t seen your uncle, since he died last year.

Your cousin stopped taking contraceptives. She says that her husband bought a condominium.

I will be sending you this letter with my friend Roger who’s leaving tomorrow; it would be amazing if you could pick him up at the airport.

Dear, I don’t give you the new address because the other renter took the numbers with her so they won’t need to change postal address, what a blond.

By the way, if you see Ms. Smith say hi from me, and if you don’t see her don't tell her anything.

Alright my daughter, I love you very much…

P.S.: I wanted to include $100 but I already closed the envelope.

Your mom