Letter from a Blond Woman to her Blond Daughter

“Dear daughter,

I am writing to you to let you know that I am alive.

I am writing really slowly because I know that you can’t read too fast.

When you come, you will never recognize the house, since we moved.

I have to let you know that we finally buried your grandfather. While we were moving, we found the body. He was in the attic still hiding from that time we all played hide and seek.

Today, your sister gave birth to a beautiful child. I don’t know if the baby is he or she, so I don’t know yet if you’ll be uncle or auntie.

We haven’t seen your uncle, since he died last year.

Your cousin stopped taking contraceptives. She says that her husband bought a condominium.

I will be sending you this letter with my friend Roger who’s leaving tomorrow; it would be amazing if you could pick him up at the airport.

Dear, I don’t give you the new address because the other renter took the numbers with her so they won’t need to change postal address, what a blond.

By the way, if you see Ms. Smith say hi from me, and if you don’t see her don't tell her anything.

Alright my daughter, I love you very much…

P.S.: I wanted to include $100 but I already closed the envelope.

Your mom

The Blond in Heaven

A blond, a Latino girl and a Chinese died and meet in heaven. They arrived and Saint-Peter says: “I will open the doors of Heaven only to the ones who will succeed the following test: In front of you, you see a stairway to Heaven. For every step taken, a joke from The Epileptic Bunny will be said. If you laugh you go to Hell. But if you succeed, the Paradise will welcome you.”

So they go, first the Latino girl as she stepped and heard the first joke, she laughed and went to Hell!

Then it was the turn of the Chinese girl. She heard the first joke, didn’t laugh, so she went on the second step and for the second joke. She didn’t laugh.

In the background the Latino girl was cheering her up from Hell.

Then the third step and joke and suddenly laughter were heard. She was also sent to Hell.

Now it was the turn of the blond girl. She went on the first step. She didn’t laugh. Second… Third… Forth… and still not laughing.

The Latino and Chinese girl were shouting: “You can do it!”

So the blond girl goes… Fifth… Sixth... Tenth… Eleventh…

Then, at her last step, right in front of the doors of Heaven… The blond girl laughed and BOOM sent to Hell.

In Hell the Latino and Chinese girls questioned the blond: “What happened? You were so close!”

And the blond replied: “Oh, when I got the last step I understood the first joke”

The Woman and the Gorilla

A man hugs his wife and whisper in her ears: “Hey babe, kids are sleeping… you know, let’s go to the room” to which the obfuscated wife answers: “Stop it, you only think about sex. Look at me! I’m tired of doing the dishes, cleaning the house, changing diapers. And you don’t even invite me out any more!”

The next morning, the husband tells his wife: “C’mon, call a babysitter, dress up and let’s go out, look they opened a new zoo in town, and we should check it out!”

The happy wife dresses up and so they go to the zoo.

At the zoo, they get to see the gorillas, and one in particular made eye contact with the wife’s décolleté. So the husband says: “Look! The gorilla is checking you out! C’mon on show him one of your boobs!”

The wife says: “No! Everyone is going to see!”

Husband: “C’mon, do it for science! Nobody is looking”

The wife accepts, so she showed one boob!

Then suddenly the gorilla stands up, pulls his hand out, grabs the woman by the hair, and started getting her undressed, so the woman yells: “Help! Do something! He is raping me!”

So the husband replies: “Oh yeah? Tell him you’re tired of doing the dishes, cleaning the house and changing diapers!”